(Source)
Birdy, you okay?
Just a bit of advance warning; this post makes no sense and is basically a bit of a thought vomit on relationships, people, 'love' and concentric circles. Initially, I set out prepared to make some sort of grand conclusion and philosophical statement about all this stuff but in typical Cynthia fashion, I managed to confuse myself by thinking too much. I really should stop thinking.
A nice contemplative picture to accompany a nice contemplative post
Recently, I've been thinking about the people I surround myself with in life. In my imagination, it used to look like a weird, concentric circle system. For example, in the innermost circle, there were the people I truly loved, have known for most of my life and would do anything for. I don't think I've ever really told them ('cause feelings confuse me and I don't know what I'm supposed to do with them) but they probably know who they are.
In the next circle, there were the really close friends. People who I would unconditionally tell anything and everything to and I know wouldn't judge me for it. Surprisingly, there were people in this category who I barely ever saw. But when we did have time to catch up, it felt like no time had passed.
Then there were the people present in my day to day life who I very much enjoy hanging out with and chatting to. These were the people I tend to see a lot due to university, work or other extracurricular activities. I've been making an effort to know these people better because they are important to me and without them, day to day life would be pretty shit.
And finally, there were the people who were just...there. And I'm sure they're very, very nice people with
interesting stories and lives but we just never had the chance to get beyond the 'Hey, how's it going?'. The universe is sucky like that.
(Source)
An image to accompany my description about the concentric circles. I thought you might have been getting bored with all the text so I put this here to re-align your thought processes. You're welcome.
So that's how I used to visualise the people in my life - as concentric circles. (It's the maths brain). But ever since late last year, my perception of these relationships has shifted quite a lot. The inner circle has still maintained its sanctity and I don't think anything has changed (or will change) that. But the barriers for everything else have kind of crumbled.
There are people in my life now who just...drift between circles I suppose. There is no category for them. They're there and sometimes we're close and sometimes we're not. Same goes for the really close, old friends. I can feel them drifting but if I just reach out a little bit, I feel like I could maybe pull them back into the circle? (Sorry, it's such a terrible analogy.) And then there are people who I've literally only spent one or two days with but in those one or two days, I've told them things that I haven't told others. But perhaps that's why it was easy - because they didn't have any preconceived notions of me.
I think I've been lucky in the sense that there haven't been any destructive people in my life. I've never felt the urge to cut someone off because they were pulling me down or fucking up my life. I went through high school with zero relationship drama - mainly because there was enough of it happening to the people around me and I was pretty content to just do what was expected of me and fly under the radar. I know there are many people out there who've had to put up with so much shit from their families and friends and I don't know how they do it.
Advance Warning 2: This second sections talks about 'love' and weird relationship-y stuff that probably makes no sense to anyone but me so like, feel free to skip it all.
L is for the way you leisurely-run from me...
While we're on the topic of relationships, let's talk about love. Or more specifically crushes because I've never loved anyone in that way. And no that wasn't a remark designed to solicit pity. I figure I will love someone one day, when I meet the right person. Granted, they are taking their own sweet time appearing in my life. And it's not like I can argue that I should be more active because well, the issue is I don't have anyone I'm interested in. So it's a bit of a strange circle of 'should I be doing something about it', and 'what exactly is it I'm meant to be doing'?
I have had crushes in the past though and if I have to be honest, the feeling scares me a little bit. (Side note: the moment I typed out that sentence, I heard Jerome Jarre's voice scream out 'WHY ARE PEOPLE SO AFRAID OF LOVE?' hahaha). If I had to pin it down, I would say it's because when you 'crush' on someone, all of sudden, they are able to easily influence your emotions with the things that they do or say. And because crushes make you more 'aware' of someone, you can't help but develop this sort of like, emotional dependence? I'm sorry if this makes no sense, even I'm having trouble putting it into words.
And the worst part is that usually, the other person has no idea that they're doing this to you so you can't even argue that they're fucking dickheads for manipulating your emotions. It's kind of your own fault for letting it get this far in the first place.
So in conclusion, it's a wholly sucky feeling and I totally do not recommend it. Which is why I've started developing this self-defence mechanism of withdrawing when it seems like feelings from my end (no matter how minor they are) may end up being involved. By withdrawing, I don't mean ignoring that person. I mean just taking a step back, slapping myself upside the head and being a bit more paranoid about how we interact. It's a terrible habit, now that I think about it and will probably ensure that I never enter into any type of relationship. On the other hand, if the other person ever expresses interest, I think I would be too flattered to do any running away. So there's that.
I don't really know how to end this post off. As I said at the beginning, I wasn't setting out to make some sort of grand statement. I was just kind of thinking out loud about some things. If you soldiered through it though, cheers to you. You should get a medal or something.
(Source)
~ And I wish a tornada' would come blow my blues awayyy ~
Seriously though, this little girl is da shiz.
I never blog about my days anymore. I remember when I used to post about each and every little thing that I did along with all these random thoughts about nothing in particular. But I don't do that anymore. Either too much stuff has happened and trying to document it all is like trying to scoop water out of a leaking boat, or too little has happened and frankly, I don't think you give two shits about my life.
But for old time's sake, let's just do this.
I woke up at 7:30 and wanted to shoot my phone for the bloody annoying sound it made. The alarm is currently set to this weird nature jingle complete with whistling birds and twinkling brooks. It was a good sound when I first chose it but I guess the constant association with early morning wake-up calls just killed my affection for it. I should probably change it.
I got out of the house at about 8:30am and walked to the station. I got a crappy, old train. After I got on, I kind of scanned the carriage to see if there was anyone on there that I knew. It's a habit of mine. To be honest, I don't know why I bother since nobody takes the Bankstown line anyway.
Got to university at 9:30am and since I had about 20 minutes to spare before I had to be at my new internship (yes, I got a new internship everybody! Woo, more free labour!), I sat in the DAB hangout area and turned on my laptop. Checked my email and found out that they didn't need me in after all because they didn't have time to show me the ropes today.
Okay then. I'll just sit here. For the next 3 hours. 'Cause class doesn't start till 1.
I contemplated doing work but well, when you're not feeling it, you're just not feeling it y'know? I also contemplated getting food but after calculating the distance from the hangout area to the nearest foot outlet (approximately 200 metres), I decided that it wasn't worth the physical exertion. Plus I was playing that game where you stare at the back of people's head and see how long it takes for them to turn around and achieve uncomfortable eye contact with you. Hi. Yes I was just staring at you. But you don't know that because now I'm acting like I was lost in some deep, philosophical thoughts and you just happened to be in my line of vision.
Tian came and visited me and we laughed at a video on YouTube of a little girl cry-singing "Do You Want to Build a Snowman" whilst her mum pulls a splinter out of her leg. Tian went off to class at 12 leaving me all by my lonesome again. But half an hour later, Michaela came to visit me and we got about 10 minutes of studying before we started walking to class.
Met up with everyone else in front of the classroom and talked a bit about the 'protest' in front of the tower. And by protest, I meant free sausage sizzle. As soon as the doors opened though, we made a beeline for the 3rd row. Always sit in the 3rd row guys. Rows 1 and 2 are too close and the back row is easy pickings for answering questions. The trick is to look busy and contemplative. That way, the teacher doesn't want to disrupt your train of thought and will move to the next victim.
I learnt stuff. And I daydreamed about food. And Matt, Jess, Michaela and I laughed at the hapless victims of Row 2 as one by one, they got singled out to write answers on the board. We also laughed at our ineptitude of the grasp of pinyin. But it was more the 'look how fucked we are for mid-sems' type of laugh.
Near the end of class, I was about to head to the library with the rest of the guys to get some 'studying' in but suddenly received a text from Nancy telling me that she and Tian were up for lunch.
So I walked to Town Hall.
It was a nice walk. As soon as I got out of the Ultimo/UTS area, I had this immense feeling of freedom. I love the city. I love that in this small area, there is such a large concentration of shops, restaurants and hangout areas. And they're all within walking distance of the Ugly Tall Structure. And to think I was thinking of transferring to UNSW. (I was actually - but let's not get into that).
I met up with my fellow partners in crime near World Square and after a not-so-sincere restaurant hunt, we decided on Nandos 'cause like, chicken. And then there was food and venting and I was happy.
After that, I realised that I had to start heading back to uni for my 5pm lecture. But well, when you're just not feeling it, you're just not feeling it y'know? Plus, faced with the options of learning about political globalization or spending more time with my other halves (or is it thirds?), there clearly was only one path to take.
So we went to the Asian grocery and bought banana milk.
And macarons because they were just sitting there all cute and tiny and there was even an Earl Grey + Blueberry one and it looked so adorable that we couldn't resist plus guys they were all $1 each.
We walked a little further up George Street and Nancy went after the frozen coke like a freaking homing pigeon. We chilled for a bit and then they had to catch their train so I walked back to UTS. I took the longest detour though, going through unnecessary streets such as the one past Market City*. I just felt like walking. I would've walked to Darling Harbour if I had the time because I really just wanted to hold on to that temporary feeling of freedom.
*Slight digression but I've got a reason for constantly walking past Market City. I once thought I saw someone I knew there, smoking in one of the arches but hadn't stopped to confirm. Maybe I'll get into that story some other time - it's 11:54 right now and I've got a 9am start tomorrow.
All too soon, I was back at the University of Technological-Incompetence Sydney. I chatted to Janice for a bit (she'd skipped the lecture as well) and we did our usual 'omg what is this bullshit subject' rant.
People arrived. I asked Mika if there was anything important I missed. She said 'tuna'. I said 'ok'. We talked about journalism. Poor girl is super stressed and deserves a week of no interviews or articles, preferably spent with that cute boy in her French class. The tutor asked questions. Usual guy in the front answered them. She asked a question again. The class did it's usual awkward silence/no response thing. I didn't want her to feel bad so I made up a shitty response on the spot. Cue word vomit about globalization. Immediately regretted it but whoops too late. I really should stop doing that. She talked, we listened. And I didn't learn anything.
We got out of the classroom at 7:50pm. It was raining and in typical Cynthia fashion, I'd forgotten my umbrella so I took the tunnel route. Bumped into Kellie as she was coming down the escalators and we talked about Japan on the way to the station. I was standing on the platform when Eric walked past. He backtracked and I introduced him to Kellie just before we got onto the train.
Kellie got off at Ashfield and for the rest of the trip home, Eric and I caught up. It was nice actually. We talked about people from high school, how second year was so different from first, our expectations from uni, the weird lack of CVH-ers at UTS, what we'd been up to, people we'd met, people we'd drifted from, how much our priorities have changed since high school, my need to party, his need to stay home and be anti-social, the shittiness of having no car, Sherlock theories, the return of DW in September and how Joffrey was a complete asswipe but Jack Gleeson was the embodiment of awesomeness.
I got off at Fairfield (after almost crippling Eric with my super heavy bag) and arrived home at about 9:05pm. Zoned out for about 10 minutes before walking over to Tian's. Nancy came over and we sat on the brand spanking new green couch which I have already considered mine because I will one day burgle it from Tian's house. We split the macarons we'd bought this afternoon and watched Horrible Histories and South Park. Gym Boy was gaming but we gave him some macarons.
We then headed back to our individual houses and I thought about doing a bit of work. But when you're not feeling it, you're just not feeling it y'know?
So here I am. And this was my day condensed into one blog post (albeit a super long one). I hope you've been sufficiently entertained by my monotonous, unglamorous life. And if not, give yourself a pat on the back for getting through the whole thing. You really should stop procrastinating though and get back to your assignment. For sure, that essay ain't gonna complete itself. (Yo Nanc, I'm talking to you.)
Til next time then,
Cynth
But for old time's sake, let's just do this.
I woke up at 7:30 and wanted to shoot my phone for the bloody annoying sound it made. The alarm is currently set to this weird nature jingle complete with whistling birds and twinkling brooks. It was a good sound when I first chose it but I guess the constant association with early morning wake-up calls just killed my affection for it. I should probably change it.
I got out of the house at about 8:30am and walked to the station. I got a crappy, old train. After I got on, I kind of scanned the carriage to see if there was anyone on there that I knew. It's a habit of mine. To be honest, I don't know why I bother since nobody takes the Bankstown line anyway.
Got to university at 9:30am and since I had about 20 minutes to spare before I had to be at my new internship (yes, I got a new internship everybody! Woo, more free labour!), I sat in the DAB hangout area and turned on my laptop. Checked my email and found out that they didn't need me in after all because they didn't have time to show me the ropes today.
Okay then. I'll just sit here. For the next 3 hours. 'Cause class doesn't start till 1.
I contemplated doing work but well, when you're not feeling it, you're just not feeling it y'know? I also contemplated getting food but after calculating the distance from the hangout area to the nearest foot outlet (approximately 200 metres), I decided that it wasn't worth the physical exertion. Plus I was playing that game where you stare at the back of people's head and see how long it takes for them to turn around and achieve uncomfortable eye contact with you. Hi. Yes I was just staring at you. But you don't know that because now I'm acting like I was lost in some deep, philosophical thoughts and you just happened to be in my line of vision.
Tian came and visited me and we laughed at a video on YouTube of a little girl cry-singing "Do You Want to Build a Snowman" whilst her mum pulls a splinter out of her leg. Tian went off to class at 12 leaving me all by my lonesome again. But half an hour later, Michaela came to visit me and we got about 10 minutes of studying before we started walking to class.
Met up with everyone else in front of the classroom and talked a bit about the 'protest' in front of the tower. And by protest, I meant free sausage sizzle. As soon as the doors opened though, we made a beeline for the 3rd row. Always sit in the 3rd row guys. Rows 1 and 2 are too close and the back row is easy pickings for answering questions. The trick is to look busy and contemplative. That way, the teacher doesn't want to disrupt your train of thought and will move to the next victim.
I learnt stuff. And I daydreamed about food. And Matt, Jess, Michaela and I laughed at the hapless victims of Row 2 as one by one, they got singled out to write answers on the board. We also laughed at our ineptitude of the grasp of pinyin. But it was more the 'look how fucked we are for mid-sems' type of laugh.
Near the end of class, I was about to head to the library with the rest of the guys to get some 'studying' in but suddenly received a text from Nancy telling me that she and Tian were up for lunch.
So I walked to Town Hall.
It was a nice walk. As soon as I got out of the Ultimo/UTS area, I had this immense feeling of freedom. I love the city. I love that in this small area, there is such a large concentration of shops, restaurants and hangout areas. And they're all within walking distance of the Ugly Tall Structure. And to think I was thinking of transferring to UNSW. (I was actually - but let's not get into that).
I met up with my fellow partners in crime near World Square and after a not-so-sincere restaurant hunt, we decided on Nandos 'cause like, chicken. And then there was food and venting and I was happy.
After that, I realised that I had to start heading back to uni for my 5pm lecture. But well, when you're just not feeling it, you're just not feeling it y'know? Plus, faced with the options of learning about political globalization or spending more time with my other halves (or is it thirds?), there clearly was only one path to take.
So we went to the Asian grocery and bought banana milk.
And macarons because they were just sitting there all cute and tiny and there was even an Earl Grey + Blueberry one and it looked so adorable that we couldn't resist plus guys they were all $1 each.
We walked a little further up George Street and Nancy went after the frozen coke like a freaking homing pigeon. We chilled for a bit and then they had to catch their train so I walked back to UTS. I took the longest detour though, going through unnecessary streets such as the one past Market City*. I just felt like walking. I would've walked to Darling Harbour if I had the time because I really just wanted to hold on to that temporary feeling of freedom.
*Slight digression but I've got a reason for constantly walking past Market City. I once thought I saw someone I knew there, smoking in one of the arches but hadn't stopped to confirm. Maybe I'll get into that story some other time - it's 11:54 right now and I've got a 9am start tomorrow.
All too soon, I was back at the University of Technological-Incompetence Sydney. I chatted to Janice for a bit (she'd skipped the lecture as well) and we did our usual 'omg what is this bullshit subject' rant.
People arrived. I asked Mika if there was anything important I missed. She said 'tuna'. I said 'ok'. We talked about journalism. Poor girl is super stressed and deserves a week of no interviews or articles, preferably spent with that cute boy in her French class. The tutor asked questions. Usual guy in the front answered them. She asked a question again. The class did it's usual awkward silence/no response thing. I didn't want her to feel bad so I made up a shitty response on the spot. Cue word vomit about globalization. Immediately regretted it but whoops too late. I really should stop doing that. She talked, we listened. And I didn't learn anything.
We got out of the classroom at 7:50pm. It was raining and in typical Cynthia fashion, I'd forgotten my umbrella so I took the tunnel route. Bumped into Kellie as she was coming down the escalators and we talked about Japan on the way to the station. I was standing on the platform when Eric walked past. He backtracked and I introduced him to Kellie just before we got onto the train.
Kellie got off at Ashfield and for the rest of the trip home, Eric and I caught up. It was nice actually. We talked about people from high school, how second year was so different from first, our expectations from uni, the weird lack of CVH-ers at UTS, what we'd been up to, people we'd met, people we'd drifted from, how much our priorities have changed since high school, my need to party, his need to stay home and be anti-social, the shittiness of having no car, Sherlock theories, the return of DW in September and how Joffrey was a complete asswipe but Jack Gleeson was the embodiment of awesomeness.
I got off at Fairfield (after almost crippling Eric with my super heavy bag) and arrived home at about 9:05pm. Zoned out for about 10 minutes before walking over to Tian's. Nancy came over and we sat on the brand spanking new green couch which I have already considered mine because I will one day burgle it from Tian's house. We split the macarons we'd bought this afternoon and watched Horrible Histories and South Park. Gym Boy was gaming but we gave him some macarons.
We then headed back to our individual houses and I thought about doing a bit of work. But when you're not feeling it, you're just not feeling it y'know?
So here I am. And this was my day condensed into one blog post (albeit a super long one). I hope you've been sufficiently entertained by my monotonous, unglamorous life. And if not, give yourself a pat on the back for getting through the whole thing. You really should stop procrastinating though and get back to your assignment. For sure, that essay ain't gonna complete itself. (Yo Nanc, I'm talking to you.)
Til next time then,
Cynth
Despite the fact that I've got a million and one things due in the upcoming weeks, I really really REALLY want to get out of the house right now. It's like this extreme desire to just go somewhere and talk to someone and I feel like if I don't get out, something bad is going to happen. It's not as if something's wrong with me or there's a big issue that I just can't deal with at the moment (although I will admit to little things getting me down and I guess some of these have just accumulated over the weeks). I just need to get out of here. I can't sit here in my room staring at all this work any longer because if I do, I really might go a bit insane. I don't even have to go anywhere fancy. I'm happy to just do a Maccas run right now if it'll take me away from here.
Do you guys ever get this feeling?
Do you guys ever get this feeling?
******
Edit: I saw this photo online a while ago and just wanted to re-post it here to thank you all for putting up with my shit.
Thanks for tolerating all the random stupid shit I post on this blog. I know some of you don't really bother reading it properly and just click on the link because it pops up on your dashboard but I don't care. Thanks for your presence. And if you've got a blog that I've somehow missed and neglected to follow, please let me know. I will read it and follow it religiously. (Same goes for blogs that have recently changed their urls - my dashboard tends to act up and not show post updates when this happens.)
Playlist Poetry - aka poetry composed entirely of song titles from my phone. Don't judge. Train rides are long and I get bored when there isn't someone to talk to. Anyway, see if you can identify which bands/artists, the titles belong to. I've put the answers below.
1)
You / Make Me Wanna Die
Without a Word / You've Ruined Me
Why Did You Come Here? / You / Animal!
It's Time / You / Let It Go
2)
Hang On / Natalie!
The Ladder / Sort Of / Stuck In the Middle.
3)
The Lightning Strike / Set Me On Fire
Oh My Stars! / It Hurts!
Please / Don't Forget / My Medicine.
4)
To Whom It May Concern
I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You.
Believe Me, / I'd Rather Dance With You.
We Belong Together, / You and Me.
5)
You / Cheated / Again!
Fxxk U / Sam Malone
6)
Rumour Has It / Your Ex-Lover Is Dead
Arabella / Read All About It.
R.I.P / Sam Malone.
7)
Voices In My Head / Wake Me Up.
Disorientated, / Breathless, / Eyes Wide Open.
Demons! / Can't Stop / Creatures Of The Night.
8)
Andy: I Love You
Sylvia: Have We Met?
Andy: I Wanna Be Yours
Sylvia: Who Am I To You?
Andy: The Girl, / My Oldest Friend, / The One That Got Away.
Sylvia: Believe Me / I'm Not That Girl
Andy: Impossible
Sylvia: Snap Out Of It
Andy: My Love, / I Was Wrong. / Let's Forget All The Things That We Said. / God Only Knows / The Power Of Love. / Marry Me?
Sylvia: Marry You??
Andy: R u Mine?
Sylvia: Here We Go Again. / Just / Go, / Creep.
Andy: I'll Never Forget You / Goodbye Baby
Answers
1)
Switchfoot / The Pretty Reckless
Birdy / Norah Jones
Jung Yup / The Pretty Reckless / Neon Trees
Imagine Dragons / Switchfoot / Idina Menzel (Frozen - Disney)
2)
Plumb / Bruno Mars
Andrew Belle / Ingrid Michaelson / Lenka
3)
Snow Patrol / Bella Ferraro
Andrew Belle / 2NE1
Pete Murray / Demi Lovato / The Pretty Reckless
4)
The Civil Wars
Black Kids
Celia Pavey / Kings of Convenience
Mariah Carey / Olivia Ong
5)
Switchfoot / Boys Like Girls / Bruno Mars ft. Natasha Bedingfield
Ga-In / City and Colour
6)
Adele / Stars
The Arctic Monkeys / Professor Green ft. Emeli Sande
Rita Ora ft. Tinie Tempah / City and Colour
7)
Bruno Mars / Ed Sheeran
Delta Goodrem / Corinne Bailey Rae / Gotye
Imagine Dragons / CNBLUE / Janet Devlin
8)
Andy - Last Dinosaurs
Sylvia - Loveholics
A: 2NE1
S: Toy
A: Arctic Monkeys
S: Janet Devlin
A: City and Colour / Andrew Belle / Katy Perry
S: Celia Pavey / Idina Menzel (Wicked)
A: James Arthur
S: Arctic Monkeys
A: Sia / Sleeperstar / Julia Stone / Beach Boys / Gabrielle Aplin / Jason Derulo
S: Bruno Mars
A: Arctic Monkeys
S: Demi Lovato / Radiohead / The Civil Wars / Radiohead
A: Birdy / Miss A
*******
Shit son, why is there so much pop on my phone?
1)
You / Make Me Wanna Die
Without a Word / You've Ruined Me
Why Did You Come Here? / You / Animal!
It's Time / You / Let It Go
2)
Hang On / Natalie!
The Ladder / Sort Of / Stuck In the Middle.
3)
The Lightning Strike / Set Me On Fire
Oh My Stars! / It Hurts!
Please / Don't Forget / My Medicine.
4)
To Whom It May Concern
I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You.
Believe Me, / I'd Rather Dance With You.
We Belong Together, / You and Me.
5)
You / Cheated / Again!
Fxxk U / Sam Malone
6)
Rumour Has It / Your Ex-Lover Is Dead
Arabella / Read All About It.
R.I.P / Sam Malone.
7)
Voices In My Head / Wake Me Up.
Disorientated, / Breathless, / Eyes Wide Open.
Demons! / Can't Stop / Creatures Of The Night.
8)
Andy: I Love You
Sylvia: Have We Met?
Andy: I Wanna Be Yours
Sylvia: Who Am I To You?
Andy: The Girl, / My Oldest Friend, / The One That Got Away.
Sylvia: Believe Me / I'm Not That Girl
Andy: Impossible
Sylvia: Snap Out Of It
Andy: My Love, / I Was Wrong. / Let's Forget All The Things That We Said. / God Only Knows / The Power Of Love. / Marry Me?
Sylvia: Marry You??
Andy: R u Mine?
Sylvia: Here We Go Again. / Just / Go, / Creep.
Andy: I'll Never Forget You / Goodbye Baby
Answers
1)
Switchfoot / The Pretty Reckless
Birdy / Norah Jones
Jung Yup / The Pretty Reckless / Neon Trees
Imagine Dragons / Switchfoot / Idina Menzel (Frozen - Disney)
2)
Plumb / Bruno Mars
Andrew Belle / Ingrid Michaelson / Lenka
3)
Snow Patrol / Bella Ferraro
Andrew Belle / 2NE1
Pete Murray / Demi Lovato / The Pretty Reckless
4)
The Civil Wars
Black Kids
Celia Pavey / Kings of Convenience
Mariah Carey / Olivia Ong
5)
Switchfoot / Boys Like Girls / Bruno Mars ft. Natasha Bedingfield
Ga-In / City and Colour
6)
Adele / Stars
The Arctic Monkeys / Professor Green ft. Emeli Sande
Rita Ora ft. Tinie Tempah / City and Colour
7)
Bruno Mars / Ed Sheeran
Delta Goodrem / Corinne Bailey Rae / Gotye
Imagine Dragons / CNBLUE / Janet Devlin
8)
Andy - Last Dinosaurs
Sylvia - Loveholics
A: 2NE1
S: Toy
A: Arctic Monkeys
S: Janet Devlin
A: City and Colour / Andrew Belle / Katy Perry
S: Celia Pavey / Idina Menzel (Wicked)
A: James Arthur
S: Arctic Monkeys
A: Sia / Sleeperstar / Julia Stone / Beach Boys / Gabrielle Aplin / Jason Derulo
S: Bruno Mars
A: Arctic Monkeys
S: Demi Lovato / Radiohead / The Civil Wars / Radiohead
A: Birdy / Miss A
*******
Shit son, why is there so much pop on my phone?
Dear Future Cynthia,
I hope by now you would've learnt to stop lying to yourself (and by extension, lying to others). I mean, you're not even a particularly good liar. In fact, you're fucking terrible. Everything you think and feel is projected onto your face; it's no wonder they always vote you out within the first two rounds of mafia.
But yes, I do wish you would stop lying to yourself. Stop telling yourself (and other people) you're fine with something when clearly, you're not. Stop trying to mould yourself into something different when we all know that's not who you are. And most importantly of all, stop pretending you don't want something when the act of doing so is slowly eating you up inside.
I wish you would stop doing that thing - when you try to cover up your real thoughts by smiling it off or saying you totally get it. Because actually no, you know what, you don't get it and neither do you really want to accept it. So dear Future Cynthia, stop saying too little by saying too much. Seriously. It's redundant and counter-productive.
Finally, Future Cynthia needs to stop with the extreme doormat imitation. It is becoming tiresome and really, all you're getting is a whole lot of shit stuck to you. You've always had a tendency to go with the flow and because you're such an airhead, sometimes you don't realise how much of a hole you've dug for yourself until it's too late. And why are you so allergic to the word 'no'? Imagine how much pain you could've saved yourself if you'd said no to the contract extension or, my gosh, to accelerated History Extension (actually the reason I stayed in that class had 0% to do with learning about appeasement and 100% to do with something else lol).
I hope that one day when Future Cynthia goes through her blog archives, she will see this post and think about how much she's changed. (Although let's be honest, only a person willing to cringe themselves to death would actually brave the treacherous and infested depths of their own blog archives). I hope that she's much more confident, self-assured and capable of going after what she wants. Because I think she's pretty cool and awesome - she just has trouble saying what she really wants to say.
I just realised that I wrote a whole post about being more honest and direct to people...and kind of ended up writing the most indirect and ambiguous letter to myself. What the actual fuck Cynthia. Like, can you not?
I hope by now you would've learnt to stop lying to yourself (and by extension, lying to others). I mean, you're not even a particularly good liar. In fact, you're fucking terrible. Everything you think and feel is projected onto your face; it's no wonder they always vote you out within the first two rounds of mafia.
But yes, I do wish you would stop lying to yourself. Stop telling yourself (and other people) you're fine with something when clearly, you're not. Stop trying to mould yourself into something different when we all know that's not who you are. And most importantly of all, stop pretending you don't want something when the act of doing so is slowly eating you up inside.
I wish you would stop doing that thing - when you try to cover up your real thoughts by smiling it off or saying you totally get it. Because actually no, you know what, you don't get it and neither do you really want to accept it. So dear Future Cynthia, stop saying too little by saying too much. Seriously. It's redundant and counter-productive.
Finally, Future Cynthia needs to stop with the extreme doormat imitation. It is becoming tiresome and really, all you're getting is a whole lot of shit stuck to you. You've always had a tendency to go with the flow and because you're such an airhead, sometimes you don't realise how much of a hole you've dug for yourself until it's too late. And why are you so allergic to the word 'no'? Imagine how much pain you could've saved yourself if you'd said no to the contract extension or, my gosh, to accelerated History Extension (actually the reason I stayed in that class had 0% to do with learning about appeasement and 100% to do with something else lol).
I hope that one day when Future Cynthia goes through her blog archives, she will see this post and think about how much she's changed. (Although let's be honest, only a person willing to cringe themselves to death would actually brave the treacherous and infested depths of their own blog archives). I hope that she's much more confident, self-assured and capable of going after what she wants. Because I think she's pretty cool and awesome - she just has trouble saying what she really wants to say.
*********
I just realised that I wrote a whole post about being more honest and direct to people...and kind of ended up writing the most indirect and ambiguous letter to myself. What the actual fuck Cynthia. Like, can you not?
If I was a Sim, I'd most definitely have the Ambitious Trait.
Disregard the first part of that description and focus on the second. I tend to get really, really anxious when things aren't progressing or I feel like I'm not doing anything to improve myself career-wise. I think that's why I've been throwing myself into all these extracurricular/volunteering opportunities lately. I'm a part of my university's Peer Networking group, have just been employed as a U@Uni Ambassador, signed up for The Big Lift and am still doing my Marketing Communications internship 2 days a week.
But you know what? The anxiety isn't going away and I actually think it's growing.
If I had to pin it down, I would say it's because I still haven't got an actual PR internship under my belt. And PR internships are quite competitive (even though they're unpaid). I also feel a teensy bit discouraged because I've applied for 2 or 3 now and none of them have offered me an interview. To make matters worse, it seems like a lot of the people in my course have already taken on and completed 2 or 3 of these, either during their gap year or in the time they've spent at uni.
Because a lot of the girls who do PR come from middle class/well-off families, I feel like they may already have some pre-established networks to rely on when it comes to finding internships. So many people I've talked to have told me about an aunt who's worked in PR for so and so years or an uncle who's head of communications at this big company. I'm not in any way condemning people who rely on networks - if you've got that connection, you SHOULD be making the most out of it. I think I just feel a little big disadvantaged in that I come from a background where I've got no-one who works in a remotely similar profession and this makes me feel a little bit unsupported.
I just feel like I'm in stasis right now, stuck in an internship which I should've given up ages ago and not being able to find a new one that will really let me learn something related to my course. If I step back from it all though, I guess there are worse things that could happen and you know, I could be in a worse place. But it's a tendency of mine to stress myself out. I just can't help thinking five steps ahead. I feel like I need to map out my whole life and have a clear direction of where I'm going.
Disregard the first part of that description and focus on the second. I tend to get really, really anxious when things aren't progressing or I feel like I'm not doing anything to improve myself career-wise. I think that's why I've been throwing myself into all these extracurricular/volunteering opportunities lately. I'm a part of my university's Peer Networking group, have just been employed as a U@Uni Ambassador, signed up for The Big Lift and am still doing my Marketing Communications internship 2 days a week.
But you know what? The anxiety isn't going away and I actually think it's growing.
If I had to pin it down, I would say it's because I still haven't got an actual PR internship under my belt. And PR internships are quite competitive (even though they're unpaid). I also feel a teensy bit discouraged because I've applied for 2 or 3 now and none of them have offered me an interview. To make matters worse, it seems like a lot of the people in my course have already taken on and completed 2 or 3 of these, either during their gap year or in the time they've spent at uni.
Because a lot of the girls who do PR come from middle class/well-off families, I feel like they may already have some pre-established networks to rely on when it comes to finding internships. So many people I've talked to have told me about an aunt who's worked in PR for so and so years or an uncle who's head of communications at this big company. I'm not in any way condemning people who rely on networks - if you've got that connection, you SHOULD be making the most out of it. I think I just feel a little big disadvantaged in that I come from a background where I've got no-one who works in a remotely similar profession and this makes me feel a little bit unsupported.
I just feel like I'm in stasis right now, stuck in an internship which I should've given up ages ago and not being able to find a new one that will really let me learn something related to my course. If I step back from it all though, I guess there are worse things that could happen and you know, I could be in a worse place. But it's a tendency of mine to stress myself out. I just can't help thinking five steps ahead. I feel like I need to map out my whole life and have a clear direction of where I'm going.
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