They lied to me. They told me uni was going to be fun. But all I've been feeling these last few days is confused and even more confused. WHAT THE FUDGE-BURGERS ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE CYNTHIA??
Okay, so it hasn't been
all bad. At least I made friends. And believe it or not, some of my lectures were actually interesting. In the first journalism one I did last week, we got a quiz where the lecturer played us short excerpts from songs and we had to guess where they were from. There was Gotye, Macklemore, Beyoncé and all this other stuff. Of course, afterwards we got another quiz and in this one they asked us questions like: Who is the President of Syria? And what is the new date of the federal election?
....Cue my clueless face. I decided then and there that when I got home, I would read 20 newspapers back to back and start subscribing to Times Magazine.
Anyway point it, it hasn't been all bad. The problem however is that I'm not quite sure I did choose the right course, despite how fun it initially seemed.
See, journalism to me has always been a bit of a risk. There are so many reasons that I don't even know where to start. Maybe I'll write a list:
- I don't know anyone personally who's studied journalism before. Especially anyone that's come from a low-income, Asian background. I've heard stories of course. But many of them don't end happy. E.g. "I knew this girl once who did journalism. She ended up writing horoscopes for the local paper and was severely underpaid. She ended up going back to uni to do postgrad law." My heart literally sank when I heard that.
- It's uber competitive. People might argue that anything you do is competitive but it seems like journalism is even worse. You need to do so much extra work to score those internships. Especially now that so many print companies are dying out.
- Yes, print (e.g. magazine and newspapers) are dying.
- Apparently the pay isn't that great (aka it sucks ass). Shallow I know, but I also want to know that after 5 years of study, I would be able to pay my bills. And that's even if I manage to score a job at the end.
- Journalists, or anyone studying communication for that matter, have to be extremely outgoing and extroverted in order to track down those stories. The profession relies on networking and connections in order to get you places. Have you been reading my blog these last few years? Do I seem "extremely outgoing and extroverted" to you? Do I?
- People haven't said it outright but I know many think that I wasted my ATAR. It kind of hurts a little bit everytime I hear that and makes me doubt my choice even more.
I've talked to so many people over the last few days and it seems like they're all saying the same thing:
1) It's normal to feel that way. A large percentage of uni students go through uni wondering whether they've made the right choice and whether they really want to do what they're doing for the rest of their lives. Even second or third years have that problem. There have even been cases of people finishing their degree and then deciding they wanted something else all along.
2) There must have been a reason that you picked Journalism/International Studies in the first place. Try to get back into that mindset.
3) Don't worry too much about pay and job prospects at this point in time. Just try it out and see if you really like it or not. (Easy for them to say - they're people who are doing courses which are much more stable and financially secure).
4) Most jobs out there require you to have connections and really strong people skills - not just journalism. Good point I guess.
5) There are always other options. You are not stuck with your choice.
I went to the Student Centre the other day and I asked them what my options were if I wanted to transfer into Law/International Studies instead of Journalism/International Studies. They told me that I would have to wait a year and then apply through UAC again. I asked them if my ATAR counted for anything and they said only 25%. The other 75% comes from being able to maintain a high credit average or a distinction average throughout the year. I died a little bit inside at that. Imagine all the trouble I could have saved myself if I'd just put down Law/International Studies in the first place.
So yes, saying that I am extremely frustrated at myself is like the biggest understatement in the history of understatements. The past few days have been really hard and difficult to get through. I'm so frustrated and angry at myself that I haven't been able to get any work done. And god knows I have so much work - I have to prepare a radio piece, write a news article about something that's happening in my local suburb and write a 3000 word essay about a site in Sydney that reflects the concepts of modernism and postmodernism.
Embarrassingly enough, all this culminated in my breaking down on the phone to someone who has always given me good advice (my ex-tutor). If you look up "Epic Fail" in urban dictionary, it would probably say "Cynthia".
So that is my story guys. Sad but true. I wish I knew what I was doing but I really don't. Maybe it's just me having adjustment issues again. Maybe once I settle into the rhythm of uni, it won't seem so bleak anymore. I think I need to hang out with the girlies more. When you're forced to settle into a new environment, you start to realize how much you miss being around familiar things, people and places. I think I need a hug.
P.S. My hate for Cityrail has once again emerged. Two hours on the train each day is really doing my head in.
